Have you ever wondering this will happen to you one day? When you wake up there will be no family members around you, and a 'house' is not a 'home' anymore? Well, this few days I was thinking too much about this just because majority of my darlings at home will be moving to US soon. All this started with a phone call from my mom...and these are the details of the call.
Mummy: I'm kinda worried about you being alone at Kuching when I'm going to US with
them.
Me : Well...There's nothing to be worried about...Erm...I think I'll go to find N.C (my bestie
at Kuching) and I'm not a kid anymore.
Anyway, one of today's lectures that evolved around this topic 'home' made me felt heavy when the lecturer talked about 'I'm one that without a hometown'. This really made me thought that I was in the same shoe as her until I couldn't control myself and rushed towards the Ladies.
Well, at that moment I hated myself so much for being so weak and for breaking the promise that I had told my mom. It had been such a long time that I perceived myself as a 'weak' person. Before this, being away from home is just like a routine for me since I was staying at my babysitter's house since I was 5 years old till form3 before moving back home after my parents got transferred back to Kuching. I had to depend on myself most of the time since I was the eldest among 13 other kids at the house. I hated it especially on weekends since I would be the one that was responsible for washing all the 14 pairs of white shoes including mine! but I didn't blame her coz if without her I think most probably I would not be so 'efficient' in doing most of my household chores now.
However, I am being put into a different situation now and it is permenant and different from last time. I would not be able to chat face to face, to eat nice food, to gossip and having my maggie supper with my papa and sisters anymore when I am going back home though there is an invention called 'aeroplane' but I'm not that rich. Everything will be quiet...There will be no shouting from me telling them to stop creating racket in the house anymore...there will be no people laughing at my lousy and rusty piano skills at home.
I guess time will be the only thing that can help me to be strong in handling this situation and I will take it as the blessing in disguise, a task that is given by the Mighty One. I also hope that my darlings will be leaving for good and hopefully everything will be alright for them =)
PS: Thanks all my bestie for your concerns & all the great time today! Being together with you all really means a lot to me!
Haha...congratz to me too! This is the second post after such a long time, hopefully i will continue blogging next time.
dont be sad. we are always be by your side =)
ReplyDeleteyr family will surely feel touched if they read this
I'm just expressing my real feelings here and those memories i got...thanks for being my listener all this while =) you guys really mean a lot to me ^^ loves you guys (sure I will be hearing or seeing eww later) haha ^^
ReplyDeleteEWWWWWW!!!
ReplyDeleteOk, am here to bully u again.. Wrong spelling. "Week" shd be "Weak". :P
Lastly, cheer up. Hahaha~~~ ^^
Blur me again...thanks for the correction ah sze and your concern too ^^
ReplyDeletehahha, i like ah sze's EEEEWWWW!and i see that week is edited!
ReplyDeleteI have a hometown, but i never feel like one..becoz when i go back home, i can see my mom's tears..we live with the grandparents which is my mother's in laws..she doesnt happy becoz the in-laws are treating her badly..and that makes me sad and feel exclusion all the time when I'm at home.
ReplyDeletei wish i can have my own house with my family where i can always see my mother's smile. sometimes i wish i can stay all the time away from home and find a better place for myself rather than thinking the problem happening in my house. But I cant becoz my mom needs me the most..as the first child, i have to bear the burden and pain as well..
Atiqah: I think you passed by my blog through one of my buddy rite? I agree with you that being the eldest in the family is kinda burdening sometimes but now I see it as a gift that is given by HIM to be somebody that are more matured and someone that can see things clearer as compared to other younger siblings. In your situation, I think you are like an angel to your mom since you are the only one that she can express her feelings to. Don't worry just try your best in improving your current life then perhaps someday you might b able to improve your mom's condition too =)
ReplyDelete